What if I can't do it.....

Ok, it's late and I've been studying and taking care of the girls all day. I haven't had a shower so if you smell something I'm sorry. I did clean the kitchen this morning and I did spend some down time watching a movie with Elizabeth while taking care of my babies. The scales said I'd lost about 7 more pounds but because it rained all week I didn't go walk. That's probably a bad idea to skip walking. Pete and I did have a date on Thursday afternoon and we rode our bikes up and down the Greenway. Thank God Beverely came and watched Abigail. I've got help this week from Barb who's coming on Wednesday and Pete's off Tuesday and Thursday. If I can get Monday or Friday covered that will be great.

I'm totally dreading my upcoming history exam. It's all essay and that's hard for me. I write what I think and I'm so unorganized in my thoughts. Maybe I'm a little ADD because I've
looked at this silly thing all day and it just keeps getting me more and more frustrated. I've got a big zit between my eyes and one on my neck. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed but giving up is not an option! I'm going to do this and I'm going to do my best. I may not do as well as I could if I had more time to study but by George I'll give it all I can.

Abigail scared me today because she is sort of flinching/straining. It's not like she's going to the bathroom but I don't know what. I can't be sure and will keep a watch on her.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
Psalm 42:11

When thou liest down, thou shall not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.
Proverbs 3:24

Abigail

My sweet Abigail is finally asleep. It has been a long day. Pete had to be at work at 7:00 so I had to shower before 7:00, get my precious Elizabeth out of bed, dressed and eating cereal, and finally nurse Abigail by 8:00 to get out the door. She had a smile on her face when I peered over her crib and kicked her legs and waved her arms for me to pick her up. She's always disappointed when I change her diaper first but when she caught sight of Elizabeth her face had a smile again. All 3 of us went downstairs and I sat on the couch in my usual spot, pillow in my lap and Abigail nursed. She is happy and she feels safe. She is content.

I don't do it often but sometimes I think back to her first week of life and how desperate I felt. I left her in a room with beeping noises and bright lights by herself so little and small. I was so scared I might hurt her as I picked up her small body and navigated all the tubes that ran into her body. Her skin was translucent, swollen, and bruised and eyes wouldn't open but she nursed. It was busy all around us with noise, conversation, machines, and although there were 10 other babies in that very room there was no crying. I sat and stared at her and held her at 9:00, 2:00, and 4:00. I cherish my Abigail and will never take for granted what I have. I did not understand what it is to have a baby and go home without and thank God she came home later. When I nurse her I cherish this time that won't last. It will be gone in a second. My sweet Abigail. What does life have in store for you?

Saturdays are hard.

I've got both girls today and Pete has to go to work before either of them get up. It makes for a very busy day. Since I'm in school and have to study during the week I don't won't to study at all on the weekend and just be available for Elizabeth. I also want to try and get all the chores done on this one day as well. I've made a chart for Elizabeth to help me and also have an opportunity to make some sweet moola but we'll see if she bites.

Yesterday Pete was off and we had a great day together. We did go to the Greenway where a friend met us to walk too. She has 2 kids, 1 and 3, and she had her hands full. She brought a stroller for the 3 year old and a back pack to carry the 1 year old plus food and drink. She had to be carrying at least 35 pounds on her back and I bet that stroller was at least that to push. For what she was carrying and the length she walked I'm sure she got a workout. We had to leave her at 9:00 and she was in for a very busy day.

We came home and finished getting some clothes ready for a big resell event this week, played with Abigail, picked up Elizabeth from school, and just hung out together. Last night I fixed fajita's, spanish rice, refried beans, guacamolie, chips and salsa and it was good. My Dad had been out of town with my stepmom who had surgery on her volcal chords. Her voice has been bad for a while so their hoping this will fix it. He enjoyed the grandkids and some of my guacomolie. I can hear Abigail starting so it's time to get started. Chow!

Day 2

Now that we've been introduced let's start getting to know me! I walked again today but then when I got home I ate 2 rows of chocolate chip cookies. I hate that I have no self control. I get so hungry and the thought of throwing them in my mouth is the only kind of indulgence I have. Ok, it's time to get serious. I weigh 191 pounds and I'm 5'5" tall. I had a baby at the end of Feb. and was 186 when I got pregnant. The day I delivered I had reached 200 pounds. I've been breast feeding but the weight is just hanging on literally. IF and this is a big IF I could just give up the sweets and start making sure of my portions, I'd probably start loosing weight. My gut is just hanging down like jowls of a dog. ENOUGH!

My sweet little girls. Today Elizabeth went to school, came home, did homework, practiced guitar, and then went to Terra's. Abigail went to Terra's so I could go to Elizabeth's open house by myself. Abigail squalled nearly the entire time because she is never separated from me. I need to tell you about when Abigail was born but we'll save that for another time. Anyway, Elizabeth was so worried about Abigail that she 2nd guessed everything Terra was doing. I would've been crazy and probably told Elizabeth to go out of the room but Terra handled it. I hope and pray Elizabeth we'll go back to worrying about kid things. She's really changed a lot over 2009 and worries a lot about nothing. The pediatrician changed his opinion on how to react to her and said from now on down-play her worries, that she internalizes her feelings, observances, opinions, and support her with calm, positive, reinforcement.

Something light. I got a new diaper bag today. I am extremely happy that I can wipe off the bottom of the bag. Also my friends the Posey's just had 3rd new baby boy Gage. Kudos to them. Well, I'm off to bed so I can get up and walk tomorrow. My husband is off with me and I'm thankful for that! Have a great tomorrow.

Introduction

I'm excited to introduce to you one tired mom. I have 2 little girls, 8 and 6 months, and a husband that is supporting me by working 2 jobs. I will be starting school in another week and live by a schedule so I can have everyone where they need to be and when they need to be there.

My last pregnancy knocked me on my tail and my weight is out of control! I'm going to start a walking club that will be ran like a dictatorship. I'm so excited to tell you about it but am so tired tonight that I will have to let you know about it tomorrow. Over and out for now!