What if I can't do it.....

Ok, it's late and I've been studying and taking care of the girls all day. I haven't had a shower so if you smell something I'm sorry. I did clean the kitchen this morning and I did spend some down time watching a movie with Elizabeth while taking care of my babies. The scales said I'd lost about 7 more pounds but because it rained all week I didn't go walk. That's probably a bad idea to skip walking. Pete and I did have a date on Thursday afternoon and we rode our bikes up and down the Greenway. Thank God Beverely came and watched Abigail. I've got help this week from Barb who's coming on Wednesday and Pete's off Tuesday and Thursday. If I can get Monday or Friday covered that will be great.

I'm totally dreading my upcoming history exam. It's all essay and that's hard for me. I write what I think and I'm so unorganized in my thoughts. Maybe I'm a little ADD because I've
looked at this silly thing all day and it just keeps getting me more and more frustrated. I've got a big zit between my eyes and one on my neck. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed but giving up is not an option! I'm going to do this and I'm going to do my best. I may not do as well as I could if I had more time to study but by George I'll give it all I can.

Abigail scared me today because she is sort of flinching/straining. It's not like she's going to the bathroom but I don't know what. I can't be sure and will keep a watch on her.

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God.
Psalm 42:11

When thou liest down, thou shall not be afraid: yea, thou shalt lie down, and thy sleep shall be sweet.
Proverbs 3:24

Abigail

My sweet Abigail is finally asleep. It has been a long day. Pete had to be at work at 7:00 so I had to shower before 7:00, get my precious Elizabeth out of bed, dressed and eating cereal, and finally nurse Abigail by 8:00 to get out the door. She had a smile on her face when I peered over her crib and kicked her legs and waved her arms for me to pick her up. She's always disappointed when I change her diaper first but when she caught sight of Elizabeth her face had a smile again. All 3 of us went downstairs and I sat on the couch in my usual spot, pillow in my lap and Abigail nursed. She is happy and she feels safe. She is content.

I don't do it often but sometimes I think back to her first week of life and how desperate I felt. I left her in a room with beeping noises and bright lights by herself so little and small. I was so scared I might hurt her as I picked up her small body and navigated all the tubes that ran into her body. Her skin was translucent, swollen, and bruised and eyes wouldn't open but she nursed. It was busy all around us with noise, conversation, machines, and although there were 10 other babies in that very room there was no crying. I sat and stared at her and held her at 9:00, 2:00, and 4:00. I cherish my Abigail and will never take for granted what I have. I did not understand what it is to have a baby and go home without and thank God she came home later. When I nurse her I cherish this time that won't last. It will be gone in a second. My sweet Abigail. What does life have in store for you?