Friday, September 18, 2009


My sweet Abigail is finally asleep. It has been a long day. Pete had to be at work at 7:00 so I had to shower before 7:00, get my precious Elizabeth out of bed, dressed and eating cereal, and finally nurse Abigail by 8:00 to get out the door. She had a smile on her face when I peered over her crib and kicked her legs and waved her arms for me to pick her up. She's always disappointed when I change her diaper first but when she caught sight of Elizabeth her face had a smile again. All 3 of us went downstairs and I sat on the couch in my usual spot, pillow in my lap and Abigail nursed. She is happy and she feels safe. She is content.

I don't do it often but sometimes I think back to her first week of life and how desperate I felt. I left her in a room with beeping noises and bright lights by herself so little and small. I was so scared I might hurt her as I picked up her small body and navigated all the tubes that ran into her body. Her skin was translucent, swollen, and bruised and eyes wouldn't open but she nursed. It was busy all around us with noise, conversation, machines, and although there were 10 other babies in that very room there was no crying. I sat and stared at her and held her at 9:00, 2:00, and 4:00. I cherish my Abigail and will never take for granted what I have. I did not understand what it is to have a baby and go home without and thank God she came home later. When I nurse her I cherish this time that won't last. It will be gone in a second. My sweet Abigail. What does life have in store for you?

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